please take a number at our deli counter

one of the biggest limiting factors to my, ah, hobby of acquiring cooking gadgets is storage space. our kitchen is on the small side, so kevin has to remind me periodically (ok, FINE, *often*. HAPPY?) to settle down and get realistic about what we can and can't fit. sometimes he tries to tell me the gadget i'm at that time coveting is the most ridiculous thing ever and not only do i not NEED it, but i also have no good reason for WANTING it.

well, frankly, all that this crazy talkin' does is make me want whatever it is even more. i mean, honestly, i only covet WORTHY things. jeez, you'd never catch me wishing i owned an egg cooker or pining over something as useless and impractical as a hot dog toaster. (yet, notice i don't say things like: "raclette maker" or "fully-automated espresso machine"...hmmmm, coincidence? i think not.) usually what i do is figure out a way to fit the soon-to-be-newest-addition-to-the-kitchen item SOMEWHERE that won't cause grievous bodily harm, say, when the kitchen cabinet door is opened to retrieve said item. depending on how large the thing is, this sleuthing process can take a mere day to several months.

enter the meat slicer.

yes, you heard right. M-E-A-T S-L-I-C-E-R. definition: an electric device used to slice food in thicknesses ranging from paper thin up to 2" thick. usage: "the deli man used his meat slicer to slice up cold cuts for my italian hoagie."

now, i've wanted one of these for YEARS. YEARS, i tell you. which, if you know me and my tendency for instant gratification (kevin says i'm the hardest person to buy gifts for b/c when i want something, i just go out and get it), is the equivalent of, say, at least an eon to most anyone else. if you've ever seen the size of a deli meat slicer, and you've seen the size of our apartment, you can understand why, no matter how hard i tried, i couldn't find a way to squeeze this wondrous gadget anywhere in our house. (and believe me, i was so desperate at one point i actually seriously entertained the idea of storing it under our bed.) i'm sure you can imagine and sympathize with all the longing and heartache i've endured. [excuse me...*sniffle* i need a moment to collect myself.]

then, one day at work, i shared with byron my not-so-secret desire to own a meat slicer and the insurmountable and inflexible space constraints i had been defeated by. that day, the heavens opened and a light shone down on me as he told me when he was growing up, his mother had a folding meat slicer. a FOLDING meat slicer?!? i had no idea these sorts of things even existed. so i furiously researched the topic (ok, so maybe it was just a few google searches), and sure enough, i found a professional-grade, folding food slicer. heart a flutter, i went home to share my good news with kevin, but i didn't buy it right away.

now, why the restraint, you ask? well, the thing is, kevin doesn't usually put his foot down about anything i *really* want in the way of kitchen gadgets. but when i revealed to him (i remind you: YEARS ago) my not-so-secret desire to own one, he flat out told me "No Way." the details are a little fuzzy, since it was so long ago and i was so scarred and disappointed that i've blocked most of it, but i think he also said things like "crazy" and "nuts" paired probably with "you're," but i'm not 100% sure. that said, i did remember that he promised if either we ever moved to a place with a larger kitchen OR i could find a way to store it EASILY, that i could then be the proud owner of a food slicer.

so, with memories of his being adamantly against the idea, i went home that night and told kevin i had found a meat slicer that folded up to basically the size of a mandoline, wasn't that great, and couldn't i buy it? [dead silence. (uh-oh)] after haggling (mostly involving my swearing i would be solely responsible for cleaning it. can't you see now how desperately i wanted it?), i got kevin to agree if in a few weeks i was still cooking often then it would be ok to buy it. so, i interpreted a "few weeks" as "a week of actual waiting + 2 weeks shipping time" and ordered it 5 days later.

i've had the food slicer for about a week and so far i've only used it once to slice up some cheese, deli style, but it was so wonderful...words can't even describe how beautifully it performed. that moment was years in the making, and i savored every second of it. i sliced up a bit from a block of havarti cheese i bought at rainbow grocery - about 6 paper-thin slices - and used them on a couple turkey sandwiches for lunch. maybe it was just my imagination, but the sandwich tasted extra delicious. must be some special flavoring imparted from the meat slicer. that maybe is just all in my head. i'm now plotting what other things i can make so that i have many excuses to use my slicer. please feel free to send in any suggestions. (no need to send in the "shredded lettuce" or "cold cuts" ideas. i'm "crazy," not an "idiot.")

if you ever come over to our place for deli, my friend aaron forth would like to remind you to please, TAKE A NUMBER and that the LINE STARTS HERE. ;)